Vital Stats:
Era: Georgian/French Revolution
Setting: England, and various parts of France
Protagonist: Sir Percival (Percy) Blakeney, Bart. otherwise known as The Scarlet Pimpernel, and the coolest person ever.
Siblings that require looking-after: Just his idiot brother-in-law Armand St. Just. He requires ALOT of looking after, poor sot.
Parentage: Brought up by an absentee father and mentally-ill mother (and he still turned out that well.)
Romantic interest(s): Marguerite St. Just, a former actress/gorgeous French woman whom he's desperately in love with. He also thinks she's a traitorous murderer, which puts a bit of a damper on their early married life.
Antagonist: Chauvelin, an itty-bitty Frenchie who loves death, and hates that Percy is so much bigger, smarter, and more awesome than he is. He enjoys trying to wreck Marguerite's life.
Assaults: Lots of decapitations (the French Revolution was no jolly-holiday), and some awesome swash-buckling on the part of Percy and his loyal band of men disguised as useless foppish idiots. Also, a certain Jewish merchant gets caned by Chauvelin's flunkies, but more of that later.
The story begins with some colourful descriptions of the Reign of Terror, which are not exactly pretty (it wasn't called the Reign of Terror for nothing).
Some of the revolutionists talk about the mysterious Englishman, The Scarlet Pimpernel, who's snuck countless aristocrats out of the country, just in the nick of time before they're guillotined. Since he's big, and clever, and a master of disguise, and outwits them frequently, they have an almost superstitious fear of him, which is kind of hilarious.
As they're talking, a creepy old woman comes to the gate in a covered cart. When they ask her what's in the cart, she says it's her grandson who has the plague (Oh, no, not the plaagguuuee!!), so they let her pass, only to find out a few minutes later that the "old woman" was the Scarlet Pimpernel, and the "grandson with the plague" was the De Tournay family, who were scheduled for execution.
The freshly-rescued De Tournay family (sans Papa De Tournay, who's still in France for now) arrive in England, escorted by the mysterious Scarlet Pimpernel and a couple of his merry men (no, not like Robin Hood).
Lord Antony (Tony) Dewhurst, who's sportish, and not too bright, but tons of fun, and Sir Andrew Ffoulkes, who's a tad bit more serious and intellectual, both of whom are fiercely loyal to their leader, bring the De Tournays' to a coastal inn called The Fisherman's Rest, where they generally bring their rescue-ees.
The owner of The Fisherman's Rest (named Mr. Jellyband, of all things), a true John Bull, apparently knows that Tony and Andrew are in league with The Scarlet Pimpernel, and is only too glad to assist them (in part, probably, because they're both ridiculously wealthy).
The Countess De Tournay starts banging on about how much she hates Marguerite St. Just, because she denounced the St. Cyr family, sending them to their deaths, apparently in cold blood.
Her little rant makes everyone a bit uncomfortable, for a couple of reasons. In the first place, Marguerite is the wife of Sir Percy Blakeney, who's more ridiculously wealthy than everyone else, close chum of the prince of Wales, the most popular man in London(The Scarlet Pimpernel), etc., In the second place, Marguerite is pretty popular in her own right, and in the third place, she and Percy are about to show up at the inn any moment.
When they do show up, Marguerite, unaware of the countess's antipathy towards her, is like "Ooh, French friends!" and flounces over to give hugs. Young Suzanne De Tournay, who went to school with Marguerite, still loves her despite the rumours against her, but Mama De Tournay is all like "I don't like the shape of your nose!" and drags Suzanne out of the room, much to the chagrin of Marguerite who didn't see that coming, and Sir Andrew, who's completely in love with Suzanne by this time.
In ambles Percy, looking like a fluffy idiot as usual (a most effective disguise, what?), and is accosted by the countess's short prig of a son, who decides it would be a good idea to fight a duel with Percy (who's twice his size at least) in honour of the ladies.
Percy stares down at him, blinks a few times, and is like "Um, go away? Sprechen sie English? What do you want, tiny man?" which the tiny man does not appreciate.
Tony and Jellyband convince him not to get killed, and Marguerite cracks a few jokes about how stupid and useless Percy is, and then goes off to find her brother, who's due to ship off back to France within the hour, which she's none too happy about.
As she wanders about on the cliffs in wait for him, we have it to understand that she didn't actually mean to send the St. Cyrs' to their deaths. It seems that her brother fell in love with the daughter, and Daddy St. Cyr didn't like that, and had him thrashed, so Marguerite (practically a mother to Armand, since they were orphaned as children), takes revenge by giving incriminating evidence against them to Chavelin, with the understanding that they'll be punished, but not killed, but Chauvelin, being a right and proper main antagonist, removes their heads anyways.
Percy, who was going to tell her about his secret identity after their marriage, finds out about the role she played in their denunciation, and since she doesn't feel like giving him the particulars, he naturally assumes that he's just married a cold-blooded, treacherous killer.
Although he still loves her in spite of her apparent guilt, he shuts her out completely, and is constantly off risking his neck in France, rescuing hundreds of victims in an attempt to atone for what she did, whilst making her think that he's a dim, effeminate twat, who only loves clothes and sports, which doesn't make married life very blissful for either of them.
After she sees her brother off, she runs into Chauvelin, and is sort of happy to see him, until he's like "Find me The Scarlet Pimpernel!" and she's like "NO, he's awesome!" and he's like "Oh, but I think you will", and she's like "Psht, whatever".
That night, while Tony and Andrew are discussing their leader's plans, a couple of Chauvelin's flunkies crawl out from under the tables, beat them over the head, and steal the letters they'd been perusing.
Some short time later, at the opera, Chauvelin pays a visit to Marguerite in her fancy, private opera box to tell her that one of the letters was from her brother Armand, proving that he's in league with The Scarlet Pimpernel, that the same S.P. is going to be at the ball that night, and that he's decided to use that tidbit of information to blackmail her, forcing her to discover and betray the identity of her hero, or have her brother's blood on her head.
After an unpleasant inner-struggle, Marguerite decides that she'd better save her brother, since he couldn't possibly save himself, and thus, at the ball that night, she does some impromtu spy-work, and discovers Sir Andrew about to burn a letter, evidentally from the elusive hero.
After using her acting skills to make him think she's about to faint, she snatches the half-burnt letter from him, holding it under her nose, as if it were some sort of restorative for her especial benefit, praising him for his quick thinking, and chaffing him in jest about his burning a love-letter from some random dutchess, while he stands there with a blank look on his face, trying to figure out how to get the letter back.
She knocks over a side-table (oops, *cough cough*), and while he's trying to clean up her mess, she reads what's left of the letter, finding that The Scarlet Pimpernel will be in the library at 1:00 a.m. (rich people liked late hours back then). After some more inner-struggle, she reluctantly relates that information to Chauvelin, who goes to wait in the library for his foe, but only finds the "idiot" Percy asleep on the sofa.
He seems satisfied, however, and leaves without bothering to tell Marguerite anything, much to her discomfiture.
On the way home, Marguerite remembers how masculine Percy used to be, and how much he used to love her, and wishes he'd go back to that persona.
When they get home, she stops him from going inside, and is like "So... love me?" and he's like "No, you're a murderer", and drops the idiot-act long enough to look angry, which isn't what she had in mind, but prefers this to the idiot-act
She proceeds to (finally) tell him the details of that incident, which clears her from blame, and tells him that Armand's life is in danger, and appeals to him to use his wealthiness to help him out.
Percy is obviously a bit staggered by her non-guiltiness, but is still too proud to throw himself at her feet, so he keeps up his coldness, though he does promise to do what he can for Armand.
After she goes inside, Percy, now finding it acceptable to love her as much as he does, her not being a ruthless killer and all, literally kisses the ground she walked on, which okay, is a little bit weird; but whatever.
Later that day, she notices that he's about to leave the country, and insists on knowing what he's up to. He somewhat reluctantly admits that he's off to help Armand, and they share an almost, somewhat tender moment before he dashes off to Calais.
After he leaves, Marguerite decides to snoop in his study, which she assumed he used expressly for napping in, and finds well-ordered documents, various signs of intelligent life, and... a ring bearing the seal of The Scarlet Pimpernel.
That afternoon, while Marguerite is puzzling her poor little brain about whether her husband is The Scarlet Pimpernel, or just got himself a similar ring because he thinks he's cool, Suzanne De Tournay comes to hang out, and talk about her engagement to Sir Andrew Ffoulkes.
While Marguerite is thus pondering, Suzanne starts going on about how The Scarlet Pimpernel left for Calais that day to save her daddy, and Marguerite decides that she can safely assume that Percy
is The Scarlet Pimpernel, which on the one hand is fantastic, since her hero happens to be her husband, and on the other hand is terrible, since she betrayed him to his mortal enemy.
To make matters worse, she receives the incriminating letter about her brother from Chauvelin, which means that he knows for sure who The Scarlet Pimpernel is, spelling doom for her husband, whom she's completely in love with now. Poor girl...
So, she sends Suzanne home, and dashes off to Sir Andrews house, where she grabs him by the shoulders, and pretty much says "I know that my husband is The Scarlet Pimpernel and that you're in league with him; I betrayed him last night, but I don't actually want him to die, as a matter of fact, I love him, so take me to France, so I can save him, or die with him". To which Andrew is like ". . .WHAT?" He sees that she's sincere, however, and decides to help her.
Together, they go to The Fisherman's Rest, Andrew disguised as her lackey, in order to charter a boat to France.
Jellyband and his daughter naturally assume that Marguerite and Sir Andrew are eloping, which they don't like very much, since they're pretty fond of Percy and his ridiculous wealth.
Sir Andrew tries to subtly persuade them by dint of hinting about Percy that this is not the case. "Sir Percy is pretty awesome, what? Yep, gotta love that Percy..." Which seems to lessen their qualms a bit.
After several torcherous hours of waiting for the weather to clear up so they can get a boat, they finally set off for France...but so does Chauvelin.
When they get to France, Marguerite is appalled by the effects of the Reign of Terror, which was rather less terrifying on the other side of the Channel.
Sir Andrew takes her to an inn (of sorts) owned by a gruff, smelly Frenchman named Brogard who likes to curse and spit. Things Brogard hates: aristos (aristocrats), English people, and clergymen.
They nonchalantly ask if he's seen their tall, well-dressed English friend, and after some more spitting and cursing, they're able to get out of the fellow that the tall fancy Englishman had stopped by his inn, and was due back for dinner.
Sir Andrew pays Brogard to let Marguerite hide in the loft where she can keep her eye out for him, and then goes off to look for him himself.
Before long, Chauvelin appears at the inn dressed as a clergyman. This is upsetting to Marguerite, because he's trying to kill her husband, and upsetting to Brogard because he hates clergymen.
Brogard's issue is soon settled, however, when Chauvelin reveals himself to be a member of the all-powerful "Committee", and Chauvelin comes in, and makes himself at home, after assigning his men to patrol the streets for a tall Englishman in disguise.
Just as Chauvelin sits down to a bowl of soup, in strolls the tall Englishman,
not in disguise, ironically singing "God Save the King".
Chauvelin is so taken-aback by this audacity, that he chokes on his soup. Percy pretends to be sorry, and talks about what a "nasty, awkward" thing soup is, and offers the comforting thought that he once had a friend who choked to death on soup.
He then goes on to banter impertinantly in his usual, affected drawl, prattling on about pointless things, which confuses Chauvelin, who knows who he is, and knows that he knows that he knows who he is, but he figures his men will be back at any moment, and then he'll finally have captured his foe! Bwahaha!
While Chauvelin is pondering over his dastardly schemes, Percy puts pepper in his snuff box, and casually offers Chauvelin a pinch (snuff is finely-ground tobacco you snort up your nose), which he takes, and you can imagine the result. While Chauvelin is thus indisposed, Percy nonchalantly flounces out of the inn.
A few minutes later, they seek a Jewish merchant named Reuben Goldstein to rent a horse and cart to take them to a certain hut on the the sea cliffs, where, presumably, The Scarlet Pimpernel's men were stashing Armand St. Just and the Comte De Tournay until he could finish his rescue and hie them off to England.
They do not find Goldstein, but they do make the acquaintance of a different Jewish merchant named Benjamin Rosenbaum.
They offer him a choice: either he can take them along the road up the sea cliffs and help them find the tall Englishman and earn himself some money, or he can refuse and loose his head. After not much deliberation, he decides on the former course of action.
So, off they go, and Marguerite, who'd been watching all this from the loft, scurries after them on foot, maintaining a close, though unnoticed distance, no easy task for a delicate damsel, not used to any sort of exercise more strenuous than dancing.
So, they find the hut, and Chauvelin tells his flunkies not to bother with anyone else, but to stand guard and wait until Percy shows up. He then ties up Rosenbaum, and deposits him nearby.
Marguerite, who'd been hidden until that point, goes dashing toward the hut to warn the men, but a couple of Chauvelin's men throw her to the ground.
Chauvelin tells her that if she tries anything funny, he'll order his men to shoot her brother and the other fellows in front of her, which she'd really rather not have happen, but when Percy's voice is suddenly heard nearby singing "God Save the King" again, she freaks out, and runs screaming toward the hut to tell Armand to fire, and Percy to run for his life.
They gag her, and storm the hut, but no one's there; nothing but a slip of paper from The Scarlet Pimpernel with instructions for the men to meet him at a different hut.
You see, Chauvelin had told his men to stand still until Percy showed up, and so they just stood there while Armand, De Tournay, and the other blokes went out the back, and took a row boat out to sea, to Percy's ship,
The Daydream, which had been waiting for them.
Chauvelin is naturally a bit nettled by this, but since he can't very well punish his men for extreme obedience, he decides to settle his nerves by beating Rosenbaum half-to-death, and leaves him and Marguerite on the cliff while he and his men go off in search of the other hut that the letter referred to, assuming he can still catch Percy.
Marguerite is pretty sure she's going to die there, until she suddenly hears Percy talking to himself at a near distance. She goes running about to look for him, but the only other person there is the Jewish merchant...
...And it's Percy~ Marguerite is all "Yay!" and he's like "Let's 'yay'
after you untie me, hm?"
He then explains that he knew that Chauvelin would be tracking him, so he figured he may as well just take him along with him, by "renting them" the horse and cart. And then, when he was tied up, he managed to scribble out instructions for them to go to the ship, and the fake instructions for them to leave in the hut, and crawl up to the hut and slip the notes into them through a chink in the wood, because he
is that cool. And then, he let Chauvelin's men beat him, and leave him there, so that he could stay with Marguerite.
Sir Andrew then shows up, right on schedule, to accompany them to
The Daydream, and is very pleased to see them both alive and well, having been a trifle anxious on that point.
After Percy and Andrew banter about Percy's weird costume, Percy carries Marguerite almost half a league along the side of a cliff, despite having been beaten savagely, and tied up in an uncomfortable position for hours. Because he's cool.
The story concludes with their return to England. Suzanne gets her daddy, Sir Andrew gets Suzanne, and Percy and Marguerite get a marriage based on mutual love and trust, now that he no longer thinks she's a murderer, and she no longer thinks he's an idiot.
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